If the girl you think you could marry dumps you, what do you do?

(This answer is brought to us by Tod Forbis. Tod is a father, husband, and a member of our WHBC Student Ministry Staff. He also is heading up our new ministry called LIFE SKILLS: Be a Man)

I would first have to ask, “What can you tell me about love?” And let the individual answer my question. The answer to this question would bring about other questions from me like: “How do you know you are in love? What is it about this person that you love?” I would try to help the individual determine if they just enjoy the company of this person, or perhaps they are afraid of being alone. There may be issues in the home life that make the young man or young woman seek out attention from the opposite sex, like the absence of a father or mother figure in their life.

There are many different emotions that we go through and sometimes it is easy to get them confused. Love is very complicated, it is hard to understand and harder to try to define. I believe we will never fully understand the true meaning of love until we come face to face with Jesus, who is the author of love. Think of it this way, Jesus loves us so much He died on a cross for us. Is this something you would do for this young man or young woman who has decided to break up with you?

My next set of questions would have to be, “Did you pray about this relationship before you ever started to date this person?” I, of course, would have to address the serious issue of sex outside of marriage. “Have you had any type of sexual contact with this individual?” If not, that is great! If yes, we have a serious issue at hand. You see, God made us to be sexual creatures. He gave us this act of intimacy for procreation and recreation, however, it was meant to be between a husband and wife. There is a special bond that happens during sexual intimacy between two people, God designed it that way. It is more that a good feeling, it is physical and spiritual all rolled up in one.

There is a connection that takes place, and that connection is called consummation. The definition of consummation is this: used as a verb – 1. To make perfect, finish, complete. 2. To make (marital union) complete by sexual intercourse. Let me break it down for you. God’s intension for one man and one woman coming together as husband and wife is “finished” and “made complete” when they consummate the marriage by the act of intimacy. So if you have had this type of contact with another individual outside of the marriage bed, then yes, there will be that deep affection between the two of you that will be hard to understand and cope with.

Another question I would ask would be, “Do you know for certain that when you die you will spend forever in heaven with Jesus?” What about this young person you have these feelings for?” This is paramount! Young people I can’t stress enough the importance of being equally yoked! If you think it is vital to have a boyfriend or girlfriend than you need to make sure they are a Christian first! There is no such thing as dating evangelism. That is dating a non-Christian and believing you will be able to convert them just by dating them. Don’t misunderstand me, there have been people lead to the Lord and Saved this way, however, start out on the right foot. Make sure they are of like mind and the same spirit as you. Do not compromise in the area of relationships, especially at the beginning of one.

Young people you should be praying every day for God to bring into your life that special someone He has for you. Ask Him to keep you strong and focused on Him and build on your relationship with Him through prayer and Bible study. Place your focus on your relationship with Jesus, and let Him bring to you that special someone He has for you, and believe me, He will deliver someone you would never expect!

If the relationship has been sexual, if the other person is not a Christian, if you have compromised in any way your relationship with Jesus for this other individual, let them go. Start over! Return to your first love, which is Jesus! In the book of the Revelation Jesus speaks to the church at Ephesus and tells them in chapter 2:4-5a, “But I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first.” Get right with God; restore your relationship with Him. He promises He will provide for us in every way. Do you trust Him? Do you trust Him with your relationships? You should.

Now if there has been no compromise, if the person is a Christian, then there has to be another reason they do not wish to be together anymore. They might not be walking with God as you are, maybe you are not walking with God as they are, and the Spirit of God is leading them down a different path. The best thing you can possibly do is to make sure you are in a right relationship with God, bathe your relationship with prayer, and seek God’s face together in prayer, Bible study and worship. Most importantly, trust God to be in control, and allow Him to be in control as you have asked Him to be, and let Him work, you may find out it is was Him protecting you from a harmful relationship all along.

Proverbs 3 is a wonderful chapter to read concerning “The Rewards of Wisdom”. Read it for comfort and direction. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”